I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize