Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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