Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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