Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
