He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
they're like a gay fantastic four
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize