My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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