yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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