you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i will never coherently bang her
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
