your room smells of hookers.
And success
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
