Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
