they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
