I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
