Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
