We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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