left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
