Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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