we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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