And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
