Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
