is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
