I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
