Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize