Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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