You just made me feel so damn special
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Randomize
