I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
