let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
