Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
it's like iHOP with fire
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize