you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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