How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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