I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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