Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
