I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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