if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
