Can i not drive my cunt home
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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