Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
third nipple confirmed
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
