It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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