matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I look better un-naked...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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