I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
