Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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