I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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