I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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