The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
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