he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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