Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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