ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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