I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
