May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
