So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
