i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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