no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
