She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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