i don't like sucking hair
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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