I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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