Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Operation Purity has been aborted
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
