It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
