she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
