I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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