and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
