Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
