Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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