I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
