I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
