3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
