So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
