no, he came in my armpit
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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