I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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