next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
