Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
