on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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