you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
