where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
