hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
