Life is so much better after having sex.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
