its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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