I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
