I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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