Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
