my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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