So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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